New medicines

For a month ago (roughly), I got a new medicine. Since I'm agains all kind of pills - especially since me getting caught in eating too much painkillers a couple of years ago - it took me quite a while to accept the fact that my current antidepressives aren't doing the best for me anymore (if they ever had....)
Sure, serotonin can be helpful, one might need that sometimes as a crutch to hold on to when the sea is at storm, but you shouldn't solely depent on it. If you eat that stuff (like I did, for over ten years now), and you feel like a neutral veggie or your emotions still kicks you into a rollercoaster, you might need something else.

So, I took the big step of trying something completely new for me. And guess what? It works, and it works damn well too! I don't really care if it's placebo, as long as I feel like a human being again. And it has minimized my chronical pain as well (I'm diagnosed with arthritis and fibromyalgia). The pain is now softer, and more bearable.
I now have access to my feelings again, without the rollercoasterturns. Earlier, the inside of my head was a mess of thoughts, like a tornado. This caused great stress (with all the trouble that comes with living on the edge the whole time), and insomnia of course. Sure, I could focus on things, but if I'm honest, I had a tendency of running bananas like a armoured car here at home. I was so winded up around dinnertime that I had troubles just sitting down and enjoying a good meal with my family. And of course they all felt the stress too, no matter how I tried to hide it underneath my "happymommyface".
The medicine they gave me is a antiepelepticum, called Lamotrigin. I was really scared the first weeks, what if I would become even more active and stressed out? Or depressed and sad? Or completly bananas and out of control? The thoughts and fears were many, but now I just feel at ease over my decision.
Next week I'm taking out the serotonin (very slowly and careful), hold a thumb for me please. I have very little hopes of me being completely medicinfree this year though, but who knows?

Last but not least. The reason I dared changing meds is basically that I now have a good, solid doctor. Yes, he's really green at his job, sure, but I see him as competent (however a bit nervy and all over the place...) But he listens, comes with good points, and is always supportive in a nice way. Yei to him!